“through the act of living, the discovery of oneself is made concurrently with the discovery of the world around us. . ."

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Seasons






Seasons change. Again, in the next year they will come, along with birthdays and anniversaries and festivals. 26th August is my 20th wedding anniversary. We haven’t planned anything; maybe the two of us will go to some forest and spend a quiet day. I wish we could spend it with K, but he is away in Bangalore and will have to miss his classes if we went there.

In our busy lives, we do not get time; rather, we do not provide time for reflecting on the past. Something which I often do (as you very well know!) because I have ample time as I reduce my activities to the minimum. It puts life on the cruising mode, and I feel like I am riding my bike on the mountain highways. In between, I pause and look back at the way I have come, and with a smile and shake of my head, I move on.

K called the other day. He and his friends were chatting idly as they sat in the college park. His friends opened up their hearts and spoke of their personal problems. At 18 or 19, some of them have lived more life than I. K said – “Acha, you wouldn’t believe, (P says ‘you wouldn’t believe’ is a favourite phrase of both father and son) these guys have had so many sad and unfortunate incidents in their lives that I nearly went crazy listening to them. I raked my mind to tell them some problem of mine, but hell, I couldn’t find one!”

I asked him, “Do you realize that you are actually complimenting us?” “Yeah, I know”, he said.

I hold the mirror to my face. As a parent, I haven’t done so badly. I have loved my son, gave him decent education within my means, and guided him to be an independent, truthful, fearless, cautious, kind, reasonable and decent human being. My limitations are many, I could have done better, but whatever I did have been okay.

Till K spoke, I always had nagging doubts about my decision not to pursue a career and to stay with my family. Now, K at 18, I have been with him from the day he was born and still am. I love him and respect him too, as my son and as an individual with his own identity. I feel vindicated, happy that I did the right thing.

That’s what seasons are for. To look back and feel happy and to look forward to many more seasons.

My true wishes to all of you, my friends, the very best in this season of Onam and the seasons to come.



************* Balachandran V, Trivandrum 15.08.2010

18 comments:

  1. yes. the greatest copliment a child can give its parents.loved the piece

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  2. Thanks, kpj. Wish you a happy onam!

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  4. K lived in a cocoon until recently. In the comparative comfort and security of the cocoon!
    And he went out like the Butterfly does, to explore the quagmire and the beauty outside and be enriched than any one of us by experience, and amongst those of his kind. Good luck to him .

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  5. Thats a lovely post. I am sure your son is a lovable boy and will go on to be a happy individual. The season's best to and your family. Happy Onam.

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  6. @Anil: Cocoon? No, I don't think so. I have shown him the facts of life, the ugly as well as the beautiful. He KNOWS. The point is, he bypassed the cocoon stage. That, should be his strength.
    @Sujata: Yep, he is OK. There is a lesson for young parents somewhere there. The best gift you can give your children is Happy Memories!

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  7. Hmm that was father speakth.
    The cocoon I meant was an euphemism
    for the cosiness of being inside the family and the protection of the parents. True you might have had imparted a fair amount of insight into the world outside. But it is only now that he can perceive it without the gaze of you or P by his side.

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  8. There are no better nuggets of gold than when in life one can look at their children and say," he mirrors a wealth of knowledge." This knowledge gained by the guidance of parents that did their best to paint the world as it is..Mixed with good and bad, beauty and ugly...You gave him a map of what it is and where things lie...He chose his road wisely...A beautiful post...

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  9. @Sandy: You said it. Parents give a map, a contour map. The rest is up to the child - to choose his path.

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  10. @ Anil: How to act and react to situations we tell them;as parents our duty ends there. what they do is entirely up to them.

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  11. Both you and your son must be so proud of each other.

    Thanks a lot for visiting my page.You have a nice blog here.Cheers !

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  12. @Arun: thanks, Arun, Glad you liked it.
    @Kavitha: Thanks for visiting. I wouldn't say 'proud', but it is a kind of OK feeling, you know? Something that comes from understanding each other very well. Thats because we always ensured the communication channels to be clear and free. Love and respect and yeah, that good feeling follows..

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  13. Balanji congrats in advance for your anniversary... I've heard about your K earlier as well. and its to have a son like him and for that matter a father as well like you :-)

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  14. @Kalpana: Thank you. You embarrass me with the comment! :)

    I merely look at the positive sides of human nature, which exists in each of us, along with the many negative, undesirable qualities. The posts, unlike what some readers might think, are not sentimental, self-congratulatory notes. They are notes on understanding oneself, of introspection, which activity I think we should indulge in, once in a while!

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  15. Bals,
    Any body who know you will not see the post as self congratulatory. But yes it is sentimental. Nothing to be ashamed.And if we are devoid of sentiments we must be of a different crass . I feel that the post was triggered by sentiments of a father and your sense of achievement in guiding K on to a road which he can cruise without tumbling.

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  16. beautiful post. one cud feel ur priceless love for ur son. u shud b proud. and look at k! handsome young man! :)

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