“through the act of living, the discovery of oneself is made concurrently with the discovery of the world around us. . ."

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Monsoon Depression

In the night, listening to the sounds
Of rain drumming on the tin roof,
To the crashing cymbals
Of dried branches of the Mango tree falling,
To the shattering boom of coconut
Dropping like a cannon ball -
And the wail of the wind
And the croak of the frogs –
The patter of rain on the cemented courtyard
And to the sour, sullen silences of the night -

Looking, mind empty of thoughts, looking
At the seeping water dripping
Through the cracked tiles on the roof
And running down the wall -
At the puddle growing, moving
Slowly like a serpent across the floor -

Looking at Sancho and Sally sleeping
Close together, on the torn piece of an old quilt –
A friend’s wedding gift many years ago…

Listening, looking, thinking about nothing
In particular -
My parents, no more now
Come with the chilling winds that blow.

I imagine myself dead
I see the faces of grief
Of family, friends
The crowd that stand around
Some silent, some socializing
Some looking important, giving directions
The lamps, the burning incense -
My dogs - inexpressible would be their grief,
Quite likely shut in my room, away from people.

The pain of death, I rue, is not of the departed;
What hurts is not the pain
Of having to leave,
But the pain you leave,
Leaving sorrow, only sorrow, to the deprived.
******** Balachandran V, Trivandrum 02.06.2011


  1. And I thought I was depressed! The rains do have this effect on us at night. During the day, rain reminds me of all the good things in life. I am experiencing monsoons here at it's onset for the first time since I can remember.

  2. Balan balan......I am not reading you further until you kill that depressing mood!

  3. “If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.”- Thich Nhat Hanh (Vietnamese monk ,writer)
    I look at this quote whenever i feel down remembering my dad.
    Take care :)

  4. @Juxta: Rain just added to the depressive mood. Actually it was the month of June, the month when I lost my parents that sent me brooding. I love rains, be it in the night or the day. In Kerala, it is also the season of epidemics, floods and deaths and food shortage.

    @Insignia: Well, B, one cannot be happy all the time!

    @Kavitha: Thats a beautiful thought!

    @Anil: Blame? Why should blame anyone - and for what?

  5. There is a condition called "seasonal affective disorder (SAD)" that is caused by winter type weather.I am not suggesting Balan, but for some,the rain can cause depressive mood.
    For me, though, I love the rain, it is cleansing and sounds comforting. I love the smell of rain as well.

    Death is a relief to the one who dies.

    But, "Dying is something we human beings do continuously, not just at the end of our physical lives on this earth."

  6. What a unique mood these lines create Balachandran ! It's like growing pain ,helplessness and some unknown untold stories of life.I could feel the pain dripping,the lousiness creeping with a bundle of thoughts untied...You are blessed with everything a writer can offer.Words,music,pain and subtle thoughts you plant...My hugs to you Balachandran.

  7. Heartening lines and heart-felt sense.I have written a small ode named Dazzling Drops with the positives of rains and that I feel often.

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