“through the act of living, the discovery of oneself is made concurrently with the discovery of the world around us. . ."

Sunday, April 28, 2013

The End of Something


Papa Hemingway wouldn't mind if I lifted the title of his short story.

Nick was breaking up with Marjorie. "It isn't fun anymore", Nick told her.
'Isn't love fun?' Marjorie asked.
'No', Nick said.
In the moonlit night, Marjorie took the boat and paddled away.
'Did she go alright?', asked Bill, Nick's friend later.
'Have a scene?'
'No, there wasn't any scene'.
'How do you feel?'
'Oh, go away, Bill, go away for a while'.

On 28th March 2013, the seven of us in the Alleppey branch had lunch together. 'Dam Biriyani' from a nearby hotel. It was good. Not at all oily, not too spicy and the chicken came off the bone like soft petals. Just before I heaved my backpack over my shoulders, I took a photograph of all of us together. I shook their hands, lifted the backpack up and with a wave of hand, I walked out of the institution I had served for 32 and a half years. No formal farewell speeches, but though I had warned them that I would not accept any parting gifts, I had to give in and accept the mobile phone that my colleagues gave me. I will miss the two young colleagues of mine who were like daughters to me. But surely, I am not walking out of their lives; I will call them once in a while, I will look them up if I pass through Alleppey, I will attend their marriages at any cost.

In the train that took me home, I asked myself if I felt different. I did not. Perhaps it is that I had imagined this moment for the last 12 months, perhaps that I have undergone a sea change in not brooding over the past but look forward to the future, to the innumerable things that I want to do with my life.

There is this immensity of knowledge that the helm of my life is in my hands now. Of course I do not discount fate, the quantum of the unknown, the unpredictable. Yet, the very fact that I can dare to dream, that I can put in my share of effort in realizing them - that is quite heady, you know. It is scary too, at times...

******* Balachandran V, Trivandrum, 28.04,2013


  1. It so happens that the change that we think would be overwhelming comes like a whiff; an anti-climax? Perhaps, we have thought about the moment that would come various times, toyed with the post era of it, and maybe adjusted ourselves to welcome it with open arms :)

    And the realization that it is not the end of it all, and there are more interesting things waiting ; which could be more overwhelming and thus you have to prepare for it :)

  2. Cogratulations Balan Sir! You did it!

    May all your fondest dreams come true!

    P.S: Not sure why, but your new posts do not automatically get added to my blogger home page...

  3. I must add I just love that 'baby elephant kissing you' picture!

    So cute - both of you!

  4. Baletta, being the character that you are, I am sure that retiring is just another small trip coming to the close. So many great journeys to follow for a man like you, with the positive energy that you possess. Photographs, Nature, Bike Trips....Quite a lot to do!

  5. Thanks, Abhi! Am gonna give life a try! :-)


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