Adieu

Darkness;  night has fallen.

In the distance, thunder rolls.

It is louder now; light flashes in the sky.

Rain pours.

I cannot hear anything but

The scream of the wind

And the screeching of the 

Lashing rains.

The thunder is louder now.

I am afraid. 

Lights have gone

In my master’s home.

I am alone in my cage.

I cannot hear anything

But the thunder; I am afraid.

I have to get out of my cage

And get to my master

To the warmth of his love

And the rug that I love. 

The thunder breaks my heart

I break out of my cage

I run to my master

But the door is closed. 

Where do I go, where do I 

Get away to?  I run, I run - 

I should have seen the well.

In the cold darkness

I think of my master

And I could feel his arms

Hugging me; he is kissing me. 

Looking up, I see the sky clearing up

The rains have stopped.

My master must be happy now

And dreaming of me in his sleep. 

******

Balachandran V, Trivandrum. 26.08.2019

Afterwards

The pain comes much later, first
in trickles, then in torrents
Washing off, cleansing
Wounds, hurts, the memories
The thoughts of should-haves
and should-have-nots.

First to heal are those
festering, anger for
What they did -
and did not.

Then, those of regret
of what you did -
and did not.

Then, like a sunbeam
breaking out through the clouds
The realization that everything
carried the fragrance of love
In spite of all
There was always love; love
lingering in the shadows.

Then comes peace
Within.

**** Bala Chandran, 24.07.2019

To Meera Nair, remembering your father, my friend, Murali Dharan

Painting: The death of Casamegas. Pablo Picasso

Stock taking

Once in a while on an autumn morning,
Take a walk.
Look up at the shady trees,
Smile at the dogs passing by
Gawk at the high rises
Cast a kind glance
At the rag picker staggering by.

Pause for the passing car
Gaze at the pretty lass
Look kindly at the world
Rushing by.

Winter will be here soon.
On an autumn morning
Take a walk
Taking stock of your life.

******
Balan strolling along. @ Indira Nagar, Bangalore. 5. 11. 2018

Jesus Bug Meets its End

Row, row, row
Up and down and right and left
Row, row, row
On the water with my legs
Row, row, row
Back and forth, forth and back,
Row, row - oh! oh! oh!
Oh bother, bro!
Strike me dead, am stuck in mud,
Ow, Ow, Ow!!!

********

Jesus Bug aka Water Strider, Wherever there is water.

Balachandran V, Silent Valley, 28.04.2018.

Resident Fairies

My home, oasis in the middle of concrete desert.

'Still at the old house?', they ask me -
Little do they know I am so proud and smug
That I live in the hand- me-down decrepit
Where my grandmother and other ghosts linger.

I see them; there he is, my father, hopping down
From the coconut frond to nibble the leftover rice
There she is, my mother, the bossy Jungle Crow
Trying to edge out the squirrel.

Grandmother comes in the evening, hooting,
Espying from behind the tree leaves
Muttering to herself, uttering inaudible curses
At me, her grandson, that impractical dreamer.

They are all there, cousins and aunts
Maids and men, children and dogs.
They come as they wish,
 As fairies and birds and butterflies.

Later, when the sun goes down
I hear them, flitting in and out
Silently, like flickering memories
In and out, of my old mango tree.

Who you might be, pretty Jay,
Quietly sitting, looking at me?

********* . Balachandran V . Trivandrum. 01.05.2018

Common Jay ( Graphium doson), @ home, Trivandrum 01.05.2018

Lord Toad

Why do you, Toad, look at me

So impassive, so self-assured? 

You sit - no, squat on all your fours

your warty skin, wrinkled and ridged

Your glands swollen with poison -

Think I didn't know?

Go forth, be not afraid of me! 

Go forth and procreate!

For you and your kind, here - 

A blade of grass, a dried leaf

A twig to play with -

The shade of the great trees - 

And over there, Kunthi, for your children!

****** . Balachandran V. Trivandrum 01.05.2018

Amor sans Frontiers

Do, do, do do, do
Do look, do, into my eyes
Croo, Croo, Croocroo, Crukcroo, croo
Croon me to sleep, my little love!

Don't you see me nodding my head
Bobbing my head up and down?
I too am an Owl, just like you
I too am a bird of skies so blue!

Don't you hear me flapping my wings
Don't you see me soaring in the sky?
Croo, Croo, Croocroo, Crukcroo, croo
Croon me to sleep, my little love!

How lovely it'd be to hold you close! 
To caress your fluffy ball of a head
To rub my nose on your beaky beak! 
To look into your eyes and kiss them close!

Don't you see me , little Owl, 
Don't you feel that I am you? 
Croo, Croo, Croocroo, Crukcroo, croo
Croon me to sleep, my little love!

***** . Balachandran V, Trivandrum 10.04.2018

Barred Jungle Owlet, Owlet-in-Residence.

Blue and Black

Among a cradle of leaves

A frog sits facing away from me.

Green leaves, touched with faint morning dew. 

The brook by the side is dry.

A butterfly flitters, faint beats of the wing

Ruffle the leaves.

No flowers, no drip of water drops.

Even the wind is still. 

I peer among the bushes

Vainly for a glimpse of a damselfly

Blue and black, who should be here.

I, the man, who beat everything 

Blue and black. 

**** Balachandran V, Trivandrum. 21.03.2018

The Solitary Hunter

The solitary hunter, the red dragonfly

Focused on food and the female passing by.

He sits on the tip of the blade
Of grass, as if holding a spear
To be driven deep into the heart
of his victim.

He scans the sky above,
The ground around,
Intent, intense -
Nothing escapes him
Nothing shall be allowed to escape.

To eat, to mate and procreate -
What else is there in this life -
To do?
So let's bicker, spit, rear up
And bare -
Our fangs and claws -
And when the time comes
Reveal the dagger up our sleeves
And stab on the back, deep.

Let us smear ourselves with the blood
Of our victims,
Gorge on their flesh, clack our teeth
Clean our faces of the filth
As we wait for the next victim.

The solitary hunter, the red dragonfly
Focused on food and the female passing by.

*******
Balachandran V . 23.10.2017 Trivandrum

In the Open

A deep sigh escapes my lips, as in the morning

I empty a full bladder, leaning to the coconut palm. 

Nothing more pleasurable than to empty oneself

Of urine and from one’s mind, yesterday’s thoughts.

I blush; a Black Drongo on the wires turns

Its head to look at me; a Magpie Robin trills a song.

The Kingfisher, hops down on a branch

Above my head and shakes his, as if in disapproval.

High above, against the darkening sky

The dragonflies swarm and circle

Bracing for the long journey ahead.

When do I, begin mine?

*********

Balachandran V, 13.1.2017

Looking at the Blue Sky sitting on a Terrace

Where you live, be it
By the side of the sea,
Or atop a mountain peak-
Both, though a fantasy
For most of us -

Where you live, be it
Cocooned in a cramped
Quarters or be it
a claustrophobic
One bhk -
Or like me
In an old crumbling
Dwelling about to fall apart-

Wherever be that you live
Or rot-
It would be good
To have a window
Or a space where you can
Look up
At the sky.

***** Balachandran V Trivandrum August 2016

Naught

Staring at the screen showing the folders,
Folders and folders and files and files
Piling up in the PC, in the laptop, in the netbook
And even in the external Hard Disks -
I am overwhelmed!

I grimace; how like my room, my house -
Why, even like my entire life -
Piling up junk, valuables irretrievably lost
in the mountains of files and drawers  and memories -

How frighteningly similar, for the hard disks to crash -
The house to crumble - and life to end -
And everything to come to naught!

*************   Balachandran V, 15.09.2016. Trivandrum

Homo sapiens hirsutus

Happening to glance at my left forearm the other day,
Dark brown skinned and hairy
I notice that more hair have turned white. 
Someday, if I live long enough,
My left forearm would turn all white
The darkness of my brown skin,
but not of my mind, hidden, hopefully.

Looking at the tuft, the bushy growth of hair
On my chest ( ah, not on my head!), again white ( why grey?)
I wistfully remember how, dark, how black it once were.

I hardly need a mirror these days, having not much
On the head to comb and pat them down.

I cling on (and at times nips at)
The vestige of my manhood, my moustache
Bristling, drooping bicycle handlebars,
The beard I dare not grow
For fear of incurring my partner’s wrath.

I remember -
Hair, growing, dark,
In dark and exciting places
Darkening shadows
Of the emerging adulthood.

Shadows lean, now.
They grow oblong, as the Sun approaches dusk.
One day, my precious hair,
Would be the first to catch fire…

************** Balachandran V, Trivandrum 07-09-2016

Image: courtesy Internet. Sketch by Salvatore Bruno.

Fish out of Water

In this heat, I sweat profuse.

I splash water at my armpits

The nape of my neck

And shameless,  over my genitals.

On the bed, in the nude

I fart and sigh, happy.

The dogs lie legs up in the air,

Too tired to smell the wind.

I choke at the chilled lemonade

Gurgling down my throat.

Out in the portico, a crow

Dips its beak and then jumps

Into the clay pan, splashing in the water.

I wish I were a fish,

Swishing my tail, chilling

With the mermaids.

But then, the fish are dying

And the birds and bees too.

Soon, we too would, for sure.

****** Balachandran V, Trivandrum 29.04.2016

 image courtesy: tbl0gging.wordpress.com/2013/02/25/merman/

“I can feel it coming in the air…”

It is in the air, the smell
Of rotting garbage,
Of burnt corpses hanging out from the bogies.
Of vomit and urine
From Kanniyah’s innards.
The stain of chewed betel
Or is it blood splattered
On the walls of democracy? 

It is in the air, the smell
Of fear.

Come out, come out of the cubicles
The partitions and the corridors
From behind the tinted glasses
Out to the open fields
Where we can hold our heads
High, without fear and breathe
The air of freedom.

************* Balachandran V. 25.02.2016

Firefuck

“Let’s, let’s do it, uh”, asked Adam.
Pouting her lips,
Offering the cleavage, 
Eve, fluttering her eyelids, asked – “do what?”

“Let’s light up the forest”, said he
Looking up at the green hills,
“What fun would it be! This
Breeze would spread it far and wide”.

Widening her legs, inviting him, she said-
“Oh yeah, let’s, let’s have a firefuck!”
“Birds would rise, panicking from their roosts
Nests toast to a nice crisp.”

Drawing her close, he slapped hard;
Her rump burned; she moaned.
“Monkeys will fly, through the sky
The tufts on their tails, dancing balls of fire!”

Flies and flying ash looked alike.
Butterflies flew like flakes of corn.
Flames licked and ate the trees
As their hearts cracked and split.

Grass spread a carpet in red
For the firefuckers, to fuck to death.
A light in green smouldered and glowed,
In the mother-wolf's eyes, as she died.

************** Balachandran V. Nagercoil.02.02.2016

View from my residence. Forest fire, Nagercoil. 02.02.2016

To My Wannabe Friends in Facebook.

I am flattered, no doubt
And pleased to some extent
That you request me to be your friend.

But pray, why?
Struck by my looks, I guess not.
Impressed by my words, I'd like to think so.
Seen a kindred soul, well, that's nice.
Enamoured by my images, hmm, well, maybe
Or not.

Then, tell me why.
I am not hot and sexy
Neither rich nor famous
Not a chance that I will win
The Nobel prize.

Be my friend, but tell me at least once
Why I should clutter your page
And vice versa.

My heart is not a door-less bus
That stops at every wave of a hand.
Not a passenger train
That you can enter ticket-less.

I am not a leaky tap
By the side of a street
Where you may quench your thirst;
Drink from me, but close the tap,
Let not my blood drip away.

I am not the Banyan tree
By the side of a blistering road
Where you may rest awhile and leave
Leaving your wastes strewn over my lap.

Friendship, oh my wannabe friend,
Is not a casual thing
I am not a hooker that
you can hump and leave.

Be my friend, but tell me
Beforehand why
So that I may know you
So that I can love you
So that we may cherish
Each other.

An offer of friendship
Is not a frivolous act.
To be a part of me
Of my life, of my thoughts
Is to enter
The sanctum sanctorum
Of my being.

Do not trample upon my heart.

****************** Balachandran V. Nagercoil. 13.01.2016

Songs that Live with You

One of the songs that have stayed with me all my life is this: Kelungal tharappedum. It is a Tamil Christian gospel song. I think I heard it the first time when I was ten or eleven. Nearly 50 years! A long time for a song to have been in the background of my life. I am not religious; Hindu or Christian or anything, but the voice of the singer, that appeal to greater powers, man's helplessness and his hopes that his life will be redeemed by the Lord - it haunts me. The immensity of our insignificance resonates in the song. Whatever ill may befall us, faith in an external power power us to survive...

One Sunday, as I placidly cycled along the vast green landscape of Nagercoil, the strains of this song came wafting along in the morning breeze. It followed me, in rhythm with my breath, in rhythm with each cycle of the pedals. I look at the birds, the dragonflies, the lone men working in the paddy fields. I look at the blue blue sky, the rock outcrop of the last of the hills gradually sinking into the sea...

I hum the chorus of the song, the only lines I know from boyhood.. 'Kelungal tharappedum, thattungal thirakkapedum, thedungal kidakkumentraaar, Jesu thedungal kidakkumentrar...' "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." I do no know any other song as powerful and simple as this that can give hope to mankind. Though I will be singing the song to myself, for I have faith only in the powers of Nature...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjoUb7gPjgY

Celebrating Time

Quoting Einstein, a friend throws a damp towel:
"The dividing line between past, present, and future
Is an illusion". So, she asks: What New Year???
Another philosophizes: It is just another sunset,
Another night and just one more sunrise, what’s new, he asks.

As 12 o’clock midnight approach, I sit all alone.
Not even a drink beside me, no music, no friends
No joy and revelry.
As 12 o’clock midnight approach,
I cock an ear for the sounds of fireworks
The screams of motorbikes, the shouts of greetings
The wail of the siren.
My dog, sound asleep at my feet.

As 12 o’clock midnight approach,
I lean back on the chair and
Remember yesteryears, the New Years gone by
Streaking, drunk, on the highways
Weathering a storm, snowed under
High on the grasslands, in utter silence
High on Grass, listening to Kishori
Slumped, head sunk deep into the chest
Drunk, absolutely soused.

Bidding goodbye forever to a friend,
Together looking out at the sea.

Mr. Einstein, you may be right, but
Tell me, what isn’t an illusion?
Hiroshima and Nagasaki maybe?
My friend, to celebrate time
Is to celebrate the passage of life.

We are butchers, chopping Time
Years, months, weeks and days
Down to seconds and nanoseconds;
Popping morsels into our mouths
Fully aware, afraid, that –
We swing our blades down on nothingness…

**************** Balachandran V, Trivandrum, 01.01.2016

The Visually Challenged

Like blinking lights, on-off, on-off 

Flickering lamps, wicks burning out

Nobody to pour in love

Nobody to keep it alive.

What if the lights fade out

And die,

What if the lamp goes dry

What does it matter to one

Born blind....

**********  Balachandran V, 16.11.2015, Trivandrum